


Forgiveness

by kagezai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Forgiveness, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, POV Oikawa Tooru, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Soft Kageyama Tobio, Soft Oikawa Tooru, minor iwaizumi, slightly awkward Kageyama Tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagezai/pseuds/kagezai
Summary: Oikawa attempts to simply apologise to Kageyama but gets more than he bargained for when realises a few things.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 11
Kudos: 266





	Forgiveness

“So, you can’t just say ‘I’m sorry’ to him?”

Oikawa looked up across the room to where Iwaizumi was sitting, back towards him as he scribbled absentmindedly at his homework. The brunet puffed his cheeks out in a frustrated manner, the way he usually did when he chose to act like a spoiled child.

“Iwa-channn!” Oikawa groaned, flopping back onto his best friend's bed. He rolled his eyes when he felt his back collide with the soft mattress, not caring that the other boy couldn’t see the action anyway.

Iwaizumi let out an exaggerated sigh and whirled around to face him, his face twisted into his usual frown that remained plastered onto his face whenever he had to deal with the other boy’s childish antics.

“I honestly can’t believe you’re asking for my help on how to apologise to Kageyama. You’re a bigger idiot than I’ve thought, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa shot upwards, pouting as he answered back defensively, “Well, do you think I’ve ever done this before? Tell me when the last time I said s-sor...”

The word died at the back of his throat.

Iwaizumi threw his hands in the air, pinching the bridge of his nose as he refused to meet the other’s rapidly faltering gaze, “You can’t even say the word, can you?” He looked almost in pain just saying the sentence, his tone alone portraying his utter disbelief at the situation.

“I can!” Oikawa protested loudly, “S-Sor-r..”

His best friend just stared at him like he had grown a second head. He felt the disappointment swimming in the others eyes right at the core of his heart, panging uncomfortably.

“This is pointless. If you can’t even say the word then there’s no hope.” The boy turned back to his work, picking up his pen and continuing to draw kanji as if he could just physically write away the entire conversation.

Oikawa felt something swell and contort painfully in his chest, almost like it was twisting all his organs. He burned holes through the latter’s carpet, feeling just as disappointed in himself as Iwaizumi. Maybe even more.

He had stormed to his friends house on a Sunday, abruptly and with no warning, forced the boy to let him inside, invaded his room and plopped himself down onto his bed. He then tortured Iwaizumi with a lengthy rant about his therapist telling him to accept all his regrets and acknowledge the people he's hurt and so on. She told him that starting with a simple apology is the easiest and most sincere way to show that he feels guilty or ashamed because of his previous actions. Of course, Oikawa hadn’t yet told her about the incident that happened in middle school, though she knew who Kageyama was briefly.

As a result, his mind had subconsciously wandered to the younger boy, memories of that encounter replaying in his head like a broken record from hell. He had absolutely no idea why the first ‘regret’ his mind had poisoned him with was one of the stupid brat. Oikawa was also even more pissed off at the fact that the simple memory of the ebony haired setter crashed open an overwhelming abundance of feelings. The pure, unyielding hatred he held on that day and the confusing, conflicted emotions that erupted in his chest when he saw Kageyama in Karasuno again. The stupid, stupid image of the boy would not leave his mind even as he returned home, plaguing his brain like a disease all throughout dinner and his entire nightly routine.

When the brunet had tried in vain to think of any other possible regrets, something else, something simpler and less irritating to storm his thoughts, all his efforts became wasted as Tobio still remained in the forefront of his mind, disgusting and persistent. As every second passed, Oikawa felt fragments of his soul wither and crumple away. After a full 24 hours, when it had just become too much, the boy had not thought twice before rushing to his best friend’s house and unloading the burden onto the other. That’s how he ended up in this predicament.

“Iwa-channn...What the hell do I do? I need to try something or the brat’s ugly face will never leave me alone. I can’t live like this! Do you know how difficult it is when I close my eyes and all I see is him?!”

At the latter’s words, Iwaizumi simply slammed his pen down, green narrowed and cutting through brown.

“I can’t stand listening to this any longer.” The dark haired boy advanced towards Oikawa and he was worried that the other had finally snapped and was seconds away from suffocating Tooru with a pillow.

Much to his relief, that did not in fact happen as the next thing Iwaizumi did was settle down beside him, adjusting said pillow that was meant to strangle Oikawa behind his head, getting comfortable as if he knew that the next couple of hours would be long and mentally draining. The brunet titled his head to the side, confused about the sudden change of demeanor from his best friend.

With a look of a man that was clearly questioning his life choices and wondering where the hell he had gone wrong to end up in this predicament, Iwaizumi cleared up all his confusion.

“I guess I don’t have a choice but to help your hopeless ass. Listen well, Shittykawa.”

* * *

Oikawa could not believe what he was doing.

Currently, he was standing by the front gate of Karasuno High, still in his Aoba Johsai uniform and regretting everything that led him up to this moment. He figured if things went south with Kageyama he could just tell his therapist that what he regrets is his whole entire life. Though, the embarrassment was sure to kill him before that. He couldn’t imagine having to face the shitty brat knowing he had humiliated himself. Shit. As more time passed, Oikawa only grew more restless and the anxiety that gnawed in his chest began to travel up his throat. Was he going to throw up? Perhaps he should leave while he still had the chance-

“O-Oikawa-san?!”

Oikawa’s gaze snapped up to meet blue a couple of meters in front of him when he heard the startled and shocked voice. As he stared at the boy only a mere couple of steps away from him, standing awkwardly in his uniform and slightly disheveled bangs as he played with the strap of his bag, Tooru tried to swallow his growing nerves knowing that there was no going back now.

Just the night before, he had certainly overstayed at Iwaizumi’s, the pair brainstorming on how the hell Oikawa would apologise to the younger setter. It had taken a good few hours (and his best friend nearly tearing all his hair out and almost ending up with a murder charge as he used all his willpower to stop himself from suffocating Oikawa with the aforementioned pillow) for the two to finally come up with a somewhat ‘solid’ plan. Well, it was mostly the other who explained to him how to properly confront Kageyama. Tooru had never felt as hopeless as he had that night, sprawled on the latter’s bed and actually having to work out how he was going to utter at most a simple three word phrase. He was worried that if it all failed and he had to come back to his therapist and pitifully explain that he was not able to ‘accept his regret’ or ‘acknowledge those he’s hurt’, she might write him down as being a sociopath.

Luckily, the next day was Monday which meant he didn’t have practice and could take his time getting to Karasuno, knowing that Tobio did and wouldn’t be out for a while. He had only been waiting for roughly 20 minutes but each passing minute made him feel more sick than the last. He had somehow broken out a cold sweat from the rising panic but he still felt unbelievably hot. His skin was crawling and itching underneath and he was surprised Kageyama hadn’t found him scratching at his skin like a mad man. At first, Oikawa was adamant that he did not need the weekly therapist sessions but now as he reflected upon his erratic behaviour, he pondered whether he was perhaps more messed up than he initially realised. What the hell was he doing?

Oikawa took a long gasp of air, reminding himself to just follow his best friend’s instructions and he would be done and over in a matter of minutes.

When Tooru zeroed in on Kageyama again, he realised the other still hadn’t moved a muscle, shocked still as a statue. Oikawa wondered briefly whether the boy was even breathing as he twisted his face into his usual, cheerful grin and approached the setter. He felt proud to be able to elicit such a reaction from the usually stoic and unmoved brat, though the feeling was only a dull thud in his chest as the emotion was swallowed up by many other, more prominent emotions that the brunet was unable to decipher, cringing internally at the foreign, disgusting sensations they caused to rake through his body.

“Tobio-chan! Fancy seeing you here!” His tone was, as always, painfully fake, subtly laced with hatred and taunt.

“I…” Kageyama hesitated, seemingly still taken aback by the impromptu appearance of the older setter at the last place he had expected him to be, (Oikawa could relate, he was still questioning whether he had finally gone off the rails and succumbed to insanity), “I mean...this is my school..”

Oikawa’s eye twitched, already completely over his interaction with the other and ready to call it a day before even accomplishing what he came here to do in the first place. He was this close to just storming off and pretending this encounter ever existed, resigning himself to his fate when he would arrive at the session empty-handed and having not ‘confronted’ his regrets or ‘acknowledged’ those he’s hurt. The brunet figured telling the therapist that the only thing he heedlessly ‘apologised’ for was the time he called his sister’s outfit tacky and refused his nephew to play with the DS. Well, at least he could say he tried.

But no, he was Oikawa Tooru. The self-proclaimed best setter in Miyagi if not all of Japan. A better player than all his rivals who had never worked as hard as he had to get to where he was now. He was Oikawa Tooru. He did not give up just because the going got tough and he didn’t run away from his problems. Take the easy way out. Not anymore. His parents were spending all their hard earned money on his therapy sessions and like hell he would let all of their efforts go to waste. The older boy would prove to the world that he was capable of anything. That he could do whatever he set his mind to and change. That he was stronger than stupid Tobio. After all, he’s always worked hard towards his goals, why break the cycle now? Because of a stupid brat that left his head spinning and mind reeling? Not a fucking chance.

He cleared his throat, “Silly, Tobio-chan! I obviously know that. I wouldn’t have come here otherwise.”

That seemed to unlock something inside Kageyama and ebony haired setter’s eyes widened, two shimmering circles latched onto him, “You’re...You’re here for me..?”

Well, Oikawa thought, he’s not as dense as he used to be.

A sickly sweet smile found its way onto Tooru’s lips, his previous internal monologue inflating his ego and boosting his confidence skyfall. He could now fully enjoy how nervous and panicky the other was without worrying that he was sweating up a storm and Kageyama would see the beads at his temple, revealing just how apprehensive he really felt.

Kageyama was staring up at him dumbly, blinking twice as he awaited a response. Oikawa couldn’t hold back the stray thought that slipped from his mind about how strangely adorable the current doe-eyed setter looked. He mentally slapped himself and a tiny flare of horror creeped into his veins, sending his thoughts spiralling with the multiple possibilities that this was the early signs of insanity. The shock was beginning to piece away at all of the determination he had held just seconds before.

“I was surprised too,” The brunet sighed, ignoring figuring out his rampant thoughts, “Do you want to talk at a park or something?”

He felt ready to hurl just asking the question to the younger boy, hoping nobody overheard them for the sake of his already crumbling dignity. Tooru didn’t know whether he expected Kageyama to vehemently reject him straight off the bat, perhaps even come up with a lazy excuse about needing to hurry home for dinner or something and Oikawa would be spared, excitedly informing Iwaizumi about the change of events. But of course, Tobio had become surprisingly unpredictable in many ways after joining Karasuno and so the other just nodded mutely, falling into step beside the brunet.

Past his own spiking anxiety, his previous mental talk completely abandoned when he realised that the situation at hand was _very_ real and _very_ much happening, Oikawa was able to sneak a glance at the other boy who was profoundly ignoring his gaze and keeping his eyes glued to the pavement. As they turned a corner, still having not said a word to one another, the older setter felt something tighten in his chest when he caught sight of the slight dusting of pink on the other cheeks.

* * *

The rest of the short, three minute walk to the local park was surprisingly not as awkward as Oikawa expected, even when he quickly averted his gaze when he noticed the other’s blush. Though the pair had not talked throughout the whole duration, Tooru’s concerns began to slowly chip away with just the presence of the other’s body a few centimeters away. Even the younger boy’s soft, delicate breaths that he could occasionally hear if he strained his ear hard enough somehow helped soothe his nerves, which was terrifying considering the treacherous path he was walking.

Finally, the two settled down onto one of the park benches, the green and brown landscape around them deserted apart from a couple or woman passing by in the distance here and there. At least Oikawa knew that nobody would overhear the humiliating conversation the boy’s were just about to have, something that would soon turn into an even bigger regret than the one he was attempting to apologise for.

When Tooru hesitantly turned to face Kageyama, some of the tension that was absent from their walk catching up to him, he was momentarily stunned by the way the dark tips of Tobio’s bangs fluttered in the gentle, autumn breeze. A sudden urge overcame the brunet to reach out and thread his fingertips through the locks, still slightly tousled by what he assumed was due to practice. When the younger setter finally spoke up, Oikawa snapped out of his reverie.

“Uh...so what did you want to talk about?”

The dreaded question that just emphasised the horrid reality of his current circumstance.

Planting his feet firmly on the ground, hoping that would encourage him to remain seated and not bolt, Oikawa took in a final deep breath, replaying the words that Iwaizumi had drilled into his head last night.

“Right..” Tooru quickly caught himself and straightened, forming yet another fake smile on his lips with his overly enthusiastic voice that even grated his own eardrums, “I’ve got some very important words for you, Tobio-chan! I’ll never, _ever_ , repeat them so listen carefully!”

Kageyama’s soft, pink lips parted slightly at the latter’s words, a single eyebrow arching upwards. Oikawa could tell the other was thoroughly interested with the way his blue eyes shone with anticipation as they rested eagerly on his. Yet again, much to his dismay, the older boy was entranced by the other’s expression, his own gaze tracing the edge of a sharp jawline, meeting enrapturing midnight irises that seemed so easy to get lost in and finally flickering down to the outline of curved, plush lips. Lips that looked so _kissable_ -

_“Shit!”_

Kageyama jumped back slightly at Oikawa’s impromptu exclamation, eyeing him cautiously as Tooru registered what he had just said aloud. No, he shouldn’t be worrying about that. No, not when he had just thought of _that_ and as his eyes skimmed over the boy beside him once again and involuntarily flickered downwards, the same raging thoughts clouding his mind began to haunt him again, knocking at his door even more persistently now that he was certain there was a bright, red blush blooming across his entire face. His palms began to sweat again, the panic he felt when he was waiting for the other earlier returning at full force and almost knocking the wind out of him entirely. He felt hot all over and now he was seriously considering the offer of skinning himself alive with his own fingertips. To hell with consequences that would ensue after.

What only made it worse, was that once Tobio realised how flustered Oikawa had gotten, he too in tow blushed a deep scarlet, quickly looking away as if the action would help hide what the older setter had already seen. Tooru resisted the urge to just get out of there and dial Iwaizumi’s number, running to his house and burying his face in his pillow, avoiding thinking how much he fucked it up and the fact that it was too late to go back.

“O-Oikawa-san..?”

Hearing the younger boy say his name unleashed the emotions that he was previously able to contain when faced with the other. They were a jumbled mess, burning his throat and his face, crawling across his skin and accelerating his already pounding heart rate tenfold. The only distinct emotion he was able to pick out from the rest almost caused him to leap out of his seat. He felt like he was drowning and with all logic and reason having left his being due to the stupid, stupid brat beside him, he was too preoccupied in trying to save himself that he didn’t register the next words that left his mouth before it was too late.

_‘I’m sorry!”_

_Oh no, no, no, no._ The words stung his tongue, his voice a high pitched squeak and unrecognisable even to himself. It felt disorientating to say just the simple two words and he was certain that he was actually insane and completely mad, unravelling and off the hinges. Utterly bonkers. A nutcase. And-

“I forgive you.”

Almost instantly, the brunet stilled all his movements, his mind wiped blank as he very slowly met the other’s gaze. Blue irises were downcast and soft, a look Oikawa had never seen -- had never seen directed at him -- and he couldn’t resist when the wave of tension left him, slumping his shoulders and melting into the sea of calm. Blue. _Kageyama’s_ blue had always been his favourite colour. Had Tobio always had such beautiful eyes?

“W-What? But I didn’t even…-”

“I know. I still forgive you. For whatever it is.”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at the corners of Kageyama’s lips, the blush that had accompanied his face now just a faint pink which was somehow even more mesmerizing to look at. Oikawa had never in all his years of knowing the ebony haired boy seen him look at him, or much less anyone, with such a delicate expression, careful as if not to break the boy in front of him. But in his eyes was a knowing look, a look that showed that the boy knew exactly what Oikawa had wanted to apologise for. A look that almost sparkled with all the knowledge of everything the brunet had prepped to say. All of the sentences him and Iwaizumi had come up with. The words that had tried to explain how everything that happened was just blind anger stemmed from a childish mindset, that his heart was just poisoned with the burden of failure and expectations...and that all those negative emotions were really just a cover for the one emotion Oikawa had refused to accept...the one that had caused all this mess and hatred and petty, unnecessary rival in the first place. (Though, Iwaizumi didn’t know about that last point)

Bewitched by just that simple look, placed so effortlessly on a beautiful face, Tooru wondered when he had become such an open book, so easy to read. He had always thought that it was Tobio who was painfully obvious and Oikawa was the one who was able to expertly hide everything he was feeling with a carefully, sculpted mask. He had been doing it for years after all. But here he was, completely unravelling at the seams in front of someone who had only ever been witness to his forced disguise. How was it that Kageyama was able to completely ruin him? And be so completely oblivious to it for so many years?

When his parents had first suggested therapy, Oikawa was hesitant. He didn’t want a complete stranger knowing all of his problems and the ins and outs of his head. However steadily, the sessions became easier and actually helped contain and decipher all of his pent up emotions in a way that volleyball wasn’t quite able to do. Then, his therapist had told him to ‘accept his regrets’ and ‘acknowledge the people he’s hurt’, which was exactly what landed him on this park bench with Tobio, his own feelings that he had previously concealed coming up to the surface and almost forcing him to finally act on them.

Tooru hadn’t thought a lot of her words, or what ‘accepting his regrets’ meant too much. He was annoyed by constantly having thoughts of the younger setter at the forefront of his mind, the mental shield he obstructed them with no longer there. Spending hours with Iwaizumi, coming up with shitty excuses for his actions like it was some sort of game, had meant nothing to him. He wanted the boy gone from his head and spitting out some half assed apology seemed like the best thing, even if actually getting the words out at first seemed impossible. Oikawa felt nothing, nothing that he was meant to feel when he pondered up ideas with Iwaizumi or made his way to Karasuno, just thankful that he was going to have some story to recount to his therapist and not be nagged for it afterwards.

But now, with Tobio’s delicate, feather-like gaze latched onto him, tracking each of his movements as the beautiful blue trailed over every inch of his face as if committing him to memory, Oikawa did not have the willpower to resist a small but absolutely genuine smile from spread across his face. A smile he used to be certain the other would never be on the receiving end of. Not when it was only reserved for the very few people in his life that his cold heart genuinely cared for.

Now, Oikawa was certain that he had, from the bottom of his heart, meant the two word phrase. That the other’s forgiveness meant everything to him. That the range of emotions swirling in his chest followed by the singular, most powerful emotion he had only ever harboured in this capacity for one individual in his entire life -- the boy in front of him -- was the most important thing he felt.

_“I’m sorry, Tobio.”_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
